Thursday, May 21, 2009 10:36 AM
I had a sweet dream last night, after that, i woke up and realize it's not reality. And i toss around in bed till morning..
This few nights, i did not sleep well..
Not because im angry, not because im sad.. Purely because i dunno wads happening! and WHY IS IT HAPPENING to mi ??
I couldn't believe my ears when i heard that u had lied to mi and u could still shout back SO WAD, WHATS WRONG!
i couldn't believe im not the one at fault and here i am feeling terrible, while the one at fault is happily enjoying every moment outside.
Since long ago, i had this deep down feeling, that u will follow in your bro's step, his every movement.. And i fear my future will be ??? which i will feel no sense of security and comfort if ever the day i'm lawfully yours..
Now, u realli prove mi right, u're resembling him.. Going out every night, coming home till the wee hours, throwing $$ outside on dunno wad, lying to mi about where u go, who u're with. To the extent i dun even know what you ARE doing outside..
U no longer bring mi out, no longer tell mi tings, no longer share feelings, and WORST, love to make empty promises!! i'm like a mistress locked in ur fist, staying at hm, stupidly waiting for u to initiate to talk to mi, to come home slp..
Sometimes u tell mi, u go out drink lor.. long time no mit *this* or *that* pig dog frens.. Ask u go where, u say BQ, in the end, i call u, u say at meridien.. I dunno why u wanna lie about such things.. And Meridien seems like a DIRTY place with CHEAP WHORES AND GERS, u still can bluff mi say decent chi pub.. Ask u wad name of the pub, DUNNO..
Obviously, u're lying.. TO tell u, till now i'm still not believing where u went on ur last yr's bday.. That painful and torteous period for mi......
Maybe i'm long tired of ur sickening actions already. It's just me who dun wish to let go of this agony which no one can save mi from..
The day i moved home, when u did not even stop mi and CHEERED loudly when i closed the door, i was deeply deeply hurt.. tears flow like tapwater all the way home.. I can't belive the many things i've done has gone down the drain.. I'm not worth anything at all..
i cook for u, feed and look after the kids when the lazy maid can't be bothered every night, help ur mummy carry the DAMN BLOODY HEAVY neccessities at toa payoh under the HOT SCORCHING SUN, buy things that u need, massage for u, scratch ur back every night.. All this is WHAT I SHOULD GET?
When i wash my own clothes and hang them to dry, the maid misplaced my clothes, i ask her to find it out, u say i made use of her when i'm not even paying her??? DEN AREN't YOU MAKING USE OF MI EVEN MOREEE?? HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN MI $$$$??? BOught anything for mi over this 1.5 years? NO!!!
NOT even a 21st bday pressie i tell u! not even a XMAS pressie!! NOT even a 2yr ANNI PRESSIE! NOT even a V.DAY Pressie!!!! EVEN on our monthsary, u FORGOT.. this 2.5 yrs together, u've nv given mi any SUPRISES!! Nor do u say u love mi, or kiss mi anymore after the 1st yr!!! i din even KP with all this NOTHINGS!!
Dun i have a life of my own? shouldn't i be out gossiping and shopping with my frens like wad every woman should be doing? Ain't i supposed to be leading a happy life with my desired happiness??
I hate myself! i HAte this useless LIFE i'm having!! i HAte myself for not having a sweet life like all the gers out there!! I hate that no-one is pampering mi and giving mi the attention i WANT..
I hate being alone everyday at home.. i hate walking to work lost in thoughts! i hate blogging with tears flowing everyday.. i HATE looking at my hp which is not ringing for the whole day!
HAISSS..................................
i shall have cup noodle for lunch in office and catch up on my beauty slp..
