Tuesday, January 13, 2009 5:17 PM
this few days passed by slowly..
how long more can i endure?
ling, i realli miss u alot alot.. i regret for throwing my temple at u for fri night n whole saturday.. i regret gg out on sat noon leaving u all alone at home.. i regret throwing u alone at night.. i regret not hugging u n kissing u back when u came to coax mi.. i regret throwing penuts at u at GM.. i regret not hugging u n kissing u a last time b4 u leave..
its been 3 days.. how long more is it gonna take?
the pasa malam u've been anticipating is back at my hse downstairs again, the hawker centre is open again, the fav wanton mee u wanted to eat is open for business.. i bought bermudas, boxers, deodorantss, kc for ur earsss.. all u have yet to see!! yet to use! everything is still so nicely packed away in my drawer..
these few days, i keep thinking bout the future.. wad am i gonna do wif u not ard, wad will happen to our car? motor? insurance? petrol? hp bills? summons? i count n count.. even if i were to starve to death, the pathetic pay i earn would not be able to cover all of it.. can u share the burden wif mi ?
will u call mi n irritate mi again? will u sing song, dance, 3g call mi? will u play bed war wif mi? will u ask mi to help u massage, scratch ur back n cook for u in the middle of the nite? now when im at ur hse, i feel lonely, like i dun belong.. there's no reason for mi to stay on there when u're not around.. i lay on ur bed n smell the pillows, blankets, hoping to get tt familiar smell of urs.. i smell ur clothes, ur watches and smile to mysef for tt faint perspiration smell of urs..
i stare at ur aldo and haivannas slippers we went to buy together.. hoping 1 would be worn out by u, and u will return hm anytime..
ling, im very exhausted.. i stopped taking all medicines.. and i have nose bleed everyday more den twice.. no one force mi eat medicine, no one force mi to lie down drink more water.. i almost feel like doing something wrong n going over to acc u..
now i realize the pain of losing somebody so dear to u..
will u keep ur promise and come my hse for reunion dinner wif papa? will u drag mi to everybody's hse to collect red packets again? will we have late night strolls at east coast again? walks to nowhere n time ourself?
u still owe mi my 21st bday present? will i ever receive it? we've just onli finished our 2nd year.. u told mi u wanted to be together for many many many cannot count years..
everyday i hold ur hp to slp hoping to feel ur closeness.. cuz this is ur routine, playing games to slp..
ppl keep scolding mi, say my fault.. but deep down, i'm not.. u shld noe all along how is my attitude n behavior.. just because of tt night's quarrel, lead to this misfortune.. u noe u trust mi, u shouldn't have purposely did tt to spite mi..
i rem the tings u told mi to do.. i've did all that, paid the insurance, call somebody alr.. going to pay the summons later..
every nite, standard at that time, i will call uto wake u up, den at a particular time u will call mi back.. every night, i look at the clock, look at the phone.. something is amiss.. i couldn't call u to shout u up.. my hp is not ringing at all.. n i will cry n cry whole night long..
at wrk, in toilet, in train, walking, in lift, in car, in bus.. i cry everywhere.. on familiar roads to ur house.. at carparks we've quarreled.. at voiddecks we've fights, even waiting for lift, i tear..
I MISS U SO MUCH.............................
